On my extended hiatus: a toddler looks back in anger

Hello. No doubt, you've all wondered what had become of your intrepid, once-conscientious correspondent. Perhaps a slow diabetic death, the naysayers will surely opine. They will be disappointed, no doubt, to learn that I, Raoul Dominguez, am alive and (mostly) well.
As it turns out, Debra was far more serious about making me lose weight than I'd anticipated. Or, perhaps more correctly, given these grim economic times, Gene's unemployment benefits ran out, which begat these woeful new eating habits for the lot of us. This served the additional, disappointing purpose of making my proposed hunger strike a ridiculous redundancy. You see, when first I refused to eat, Debra and Gene mistook this for a child's grand gesture of heroic self-sacrifice for the good of the family. O, the shame of having my actions so thoroughly misinterpreted!
In any event, they rained down tears upon me, babbling idiotically about their brave, selfless little man. The indignity! To this I responded in the only way I knew would make my displeasure clear: I vomited. However, due to not having eaten a substantial meal for over 16 hours, all that issued forth from my innards was a thin, clear drool which tasted only of bile. The sight of which served only to redouble the force of my parents' horrifying emotional outburst.
But already, despite their lamentations, I'd begun to think that I may have unintentionally hit upon the very strategem that might ensure my gastronomic well-being. Would they, upon seeing my herioc self-sacrifice, perhaps insist that I be the one allowed to continue to dine as I'd been accustomed? Would this charade of brave baby finally evoke feelings of parental sacrifice for my own good?
It would remain to be seen, but for now I shall wait, eyeing the television keenly, awaiting the splendor of KFC commercials, struggling to keep my hunger pangs at bay. Already I can feel my plan working, but for now, as Debra cooks up the night's repast of cruel porridge, I shall endure the suffering and stake my claim upon tomorrow. I shall overcome.